Perfection is Impossible [Maggie]

Emma’s short time on the island wasn’t as horrible as she thought, but it wasn’t that great either. Adjustment was slow, and more than not she’d spend the hours away huddled in bed, afraid to go out to the new surroundings and people. It didn’t help she had the constant, prickling feel of being watched. Diana, her therapist she missed more and more, would blame the paranoia, but Emma was sure security here was frighteningly tight. Uncomfortably similar to many books she read, in fact. A thought that, if dwelled on too long, just made her feel worse. But Emma was working her way out thanks to her constant self-reminding of not letting Diana or her parents down.

Today was one of the days where that promise won out over her anxiety, and she forced herself up and out. Though she had only made it to the family room of Bennett, Diana would tell her it was still something (even if it really wasn’t any better than leaving her room). She was so pathetic, she hadn’t even let go of her stuffed cat and was all the way downstairs before she even realized she still held it. It wasn’t worth going back to return it to her room though, for Emma was sure she wouldn’t come back out. She hugged the cat closer, like the baby she must be, and watched the few girls in the room from her position curled up on the chair. Most of the girls simply passed by the room on their way out, and she wondered if that was because she was here. Why did she even bother wondering? It was her fault, just being there made people dislike her and the space she was in...

Emma pressed her hands to her face. These feelings were so awful, and no matter what she did she couldn’t rid herself of them! She rubbed her face, eyes burning and tried to swallow the building tears. Wonderful, now this. “I should have just stayed in my room,” she whimpered to herself. With a quick glance around the room to avoid any other girls, she quickly found her way to the bathroom, stuffed animal still tucked under her arm. She knew how childish it made her seem and hated it, but she wouldn’t dare part with it and leave it alone in a strange place, as what had happened with her. The bathroom was spacious as far as bathrooms went and no one seemed to be inside, which eased her a bit. Emma moved cautiously up to the sinks, setting the toy on the counter once making sure the surface was dry for her little cat. She glanced at her reflection in the mirror, then quickly averted her eyes. In her experience, mirrors only made her life worse. They reflected back everything she didn’t want to see about herself, every hair out of place, every pimple, every awkward angle of her bones and fat and lack of muscle... the list went on. Shaking the thoughts off, she turned the sink on cold and splashed her face with the cocol water, rubbing her eyes to try to wipe away the trail of burning tears. Red, puffy eyes were a tell-tale sign of crying, and that would cause people to look at her in contempt for crying in public, she knew.

As she tried to erase the signs of her tears, someone else entered the bathroom and she shot up, knocking her head against the sink. Moaning, she touched the top of her head with one hand, while using the other to clear her eyes so she could see who came in. “I’m sorry! I didn’t know anyone else needed to be in here. I-I didn’t mean to bother you, I’ll be out of your hair in just a moment.” She said hastily, while groping around for a towel of some sort.

Maggie had been having such a very good morning. Upon waking she noticed something lovely. For a change she woke up feeling light, airy, and graceful. She had 'disposed' of half her dinner last night in the usual manner and the bout of digestion had finished the job in a most lovely way. A little smile graced her lips as she tentatively reach into the back of her bottom drawer, a location that housed her old 'pre-Hadley' clothes. The ones that didn't fit any longer. Until, perhaps this morning. Maggie pulled out a dress. Fitted, with an oxford collar, little cap sleeves, and a trumpet silhouette. The fabric was a baby pink, very telling if she had a little more weight on her tummy then she ought to. She slipped into the fabric and closed her eyes in silent prayer as she moved to pull the zipper up. The telltale mechanical clicks sounded softly and Maggie exhaled in relief. It was on, as tight as she could stand but on. She looked into the mirror and examined her midsection. It looks socially acceptable, but just barely. She'd have to be careful today.

The care came right after lunch. Her dress felt... under pressure. The orderlies had been roaming around. Circling like sharks really. Bitterly, Maggie moved more and more food between her lips and down to her belly. Watching them closely until they seemed content that she'd eaten her food. As soon as she could managed she got up and beelined for the door. She knew exactly where she was headed and the sooner she got there the less time they'd have to stop her and the less time that lunch would have to settle.There was a guard in the hall. Once that Maggie didn't like the looks of. She did her best to flash them a care-free smile. 'Nothing to see here, just powdering my nose like a proper girl.' she tried to project. Ducking into the restroom

Suddenly she was met with a flurry of apologies from some skittish, drippy faced girl. Maggie cursed in her first language in her head. Rolled r's simply made for angrier sounds. Still, Maggie knew how the girl felt. She maybe on the top of her game today but Maggie felt just as flustered and freaked for much of her time at Hadley. The pretty brunette swooped in and grabbed the girl a paper towel. Pressing it into her hand and turning up the sweetness to her voice.

"It's okay, it's okay. Here." She said, pausing for just enough time for Emma to start wiping her face. "Listen, you seem nice. Definitely not like a loud-mouth tattletale or anything like that. Want to help me out?" The slight eastern European accent to her voice just made the tones a little more charming. She smiled but didn't wait for an answer. She pressed a hand to the other girl's back moving her a little closer to the door. "Could you just be a dear and watch the door for me for just a second? I just need a little privacy from the staff, you know. Just a second." With a reassuring smile she quickly slipped into the furthest stall and did what she needed to do. Emma could see her kneeling on the floor beneath the stall. Hear the sound of a quick retch and a little bout of coughing as the evidence was flushed away. So fast and efficient you'd miss it to blink. Then she was out again, pulling her high, bouncy ponytail out of the way and dipping into the sink to cup some water in her hands. Washing the taste away.

"So you're new right? I'd never seen you around Hadley. What's your name? I'm Maggie."


((ooc: Hope this is okay. If you'd rather not have Emma steered around lemme know and I'll change it. I just figured she wasn't the type to protest...))

((holy crap i’ve been so dead i’m so sorry ._. No worries, you’re completely correct. Emma generally would rather have someone tell her what to do if it gets her from making her own decision))

Emma started when the girl suddenly pushed a paper towel into her her hands and she fumbled a moment accepting it, not expecting the interaction. She stared at Maggie a moment while drying her face, eyes unconsciously wide, while the other girl spoke in a sweet, accented voice she didn’t hear too often. She was so distracted by her accent and being called “nice” that Emma almost failed to catch her words, and nodded automatically before realizing what she was agreeing to. Though she wanted to help anyway, glad someone was actually asking her to do something, and she was determined to succeed. Letting herself be guided towards the door, she glanced at Maggie while the other girl explained her task. Watch the door? For the staff? Why would she need to do that? “What are you going to do?” She asked, now somewhat worried, but her voice must’ve been too quiet again as Maggie went on with her task. Emma looked away as Maggie entered the stall, watching the door as instructed, but glanced back upon hearing gagging and retching. Keeping one eye on the door, she stared at Maggie’s legs, worried that she was sick and needed help or medicine or a doctor or something. She was about to run out the door and call for help when the girl came cheerfully out of her stall, seeming far from sick. In fact, she looked much more pleased than when she came in.

Observing Maggie made Emma feel even more self conscious, specifically of her clothes. A beautiful girl with a slim, if rather too thin to Emma, figure in a lovely dress that made it clear her weight was very little. Compared to her own scrawny figure clad in a basic, fitted grey T and worn jeans, Emma felt like a vagabond standing next to a princess. Emma turned around fully to face her, figuring her door guarding task was complete. Her hands started unconsciously smoothing down her shirt and picking at the hems as Maggie introduced herself. “Ah, y-yes. I just got here a few days ago.” She replied hesitantly. “Emma,” she nodded slightly, glancing more at their surroundings than the other girl. “Are... you all right? Feel sick or anything? Did you need something?” Emma had the clarity of mind to assume that the girl had an eating disorder, but didn’t like assuming things and wanted to put her previous concern to rest instead.

Unable to keep her gaze on the more confident girl, Emma looked from Maggie, to the floor, to Maggie again, and then to the sink, pausing on her stuffed cat. Her cheeks burned, wondering what Maggie must think of her, and continued picking at the hem of her shirt nervously. After a momentary indecisive pause, Emma slipped tensely around Maggie to grab the toy and hold it close, deciding to risk seeming more foolish than abandoning it. She couldn’t meet Maggie’s eyes and tried to think of something to say to distract her from her current state, “Uhm, you’ve been here a while? Well with the people, since I heard Green Ridge itself was new... do you like it? Does it help? Is it worth it?” She hoped it was, else she would return on the first trip back to Maine and lock herself in her home and never leave her parents again. If both her parents and Diana hadn’t been so insistent that this would do her good, she never would have left.