Ace Finn

Please use blue or black ink when filling out this admission form. Additional information from all but the patient must be initialed by the author. Please answer all questions to the best of your ability. For further information or guidance, please contact a member of St. Christina staff at the number provided in our guide brochure.


Patient Full Name: FINN, ACE

Age: 16
DOB: September 9, 1994
Gender: Male
Address: 2723 Cruickshank Rd
City: Phoenicia
State: NY
Ethnicity: Half Japanese and the other half is Irish and probably some other stuff.
Height: 5'3"
Weight: 117
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Black
Distinguishing Marks: A few little beauty-mark things, some on my cheek, one on my chin. Scars, numerous, on arms and legs. I did that.


Medical History:

Please list any and all allergies and age of onset below:

Mild seasonal allergies, for as long as I could remember. I tried not to snort flowers.

Are you aware of any ongoing medical issues?:

Funny thing about medical issues is you have to be alive to have them.

If yes, list age of diagnoses by medical professionals, or age of onset below:

No.

If you are receiving treatment for an ongoing medical complaint, please list prescriptions, strength of dose, frequency of dose, and other treatment plans below:

No.

Do you smoke tobacco, consume alcohol, or use street drugs? If yes, please list number of packs per day, number of drinks per day and/or names of consumed drugs below:

Not anymore.



Psychiatric History:

Have you been diagnosed with any psychiatric issues? If so, please list diagnoses and age of diagnoses below:

I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I'm not sure how old the diagnosis was, but I was fourteen.

At Hadley, he was also diagnosed with Cotard delusions, though not until long after his fourth suicide attempt in November of 2010. This was, however, the attempt that prompted them, or as he would say, the attempt that 'killed' him. --Stephanie Berry, Hadley psychiatrist

If you answered yes to the above, please list any and all prescriptions, including dosage and frequency of dosage, and other treatment plans below:

Zoloft, originally 25mg (since August 2009) but upped to 50 in March 2010, once per day.

Then, since August 2010, whatever Hadley decided I needed. Don't know, ask them.

...I should probably say that I don't think that medication will work on me anymore. Obviously.

If you answered yes to the above, please describe noted feelings, symptoms, triggers and incidents associated with the diagnoses, and ages of incidents below:

Feelings... I felt hopeless. All I could do was cry. I had no motivation: to sleep, to eat, to socialize. I stopped playing the piano, stopped hanging out with friends after school. Even at school, I hid as much as I could to avoid being called on or talk for any reason. I could not form coherent feelings to tell anyone. Talking with therapists, I used to just cry through it. One word sentences, until they bugged me and all I wanted them to do was shut up and leave me to myself. My mother had just died, and I missed her terribly.

Sometimes I felt like it was my fault for not begging her to stay home with me while I was sick. I blame my father for making her go, even when she did want to stay home with me. I realize now that there was no way either of us could have known that the plane would go down.

I used to cut myself, and when they took away sharp things, I'd try whatever it took to be able to hurt physically. I attempted suicide three times and succeeded the fourth time. Now it's even worse, because I was so close. I don't feel as wretched anymore, but I feel that it was all for nothing if I'm just stuck in purgatory like this. And I know that it was because I killed myself.

Have you ever been hospitalized for these diagnoses? If yes, please provide facility name(s) and age of admissions and discharges:

Have I ever practically lived in a hospital? Yes, I have.

In mid-August of '09, I attempted to kill myself by slitting my wrists. It was a week and a day after Ma died; I remember that. For the longest time, I counted them. How long could I survive it, I thought. The loss of the most important person to me was the buildup of emotions there. But my father had started drinking even more... rage-drunk, blackout-drunk, it depended day to day. There were some days he wasn't too bad, and those days he'd swear up and down that he was going to stop for my sake, but he didn't. Anyway, that night was one of the rage-drunk nights. He and I got into an argument because I kept asking him if I could go and live with my grandparents in Japan. He always said no, but wouldn't give me a reason why. So I kept asking him, why, why, why? At least, that's what I remember. I think there was more, but he just got so irritated with me that he hauled off and slapped me so hard across the face that I fell back into the wall. It was the only time he ever hit me, I promise. But it was enough. I was terrified, didn't want it to ever happen again. I wondered how I could live with him if he was like that? So, I attempted to take my life. I don't really remember a lot of what happened afterward. I woke up in the hospital, though, and he was holding my hand, saying he was so sorry, over and over again. But when he was asked about it, he said that he would never hurt me, and I was scared, for some reason, to say that he did. I don't know why. I stayed for two weeks at San Diego County Psychiatric hospital after that, having therapy sessions, being given pills, being watched.

The next one was a few days before Christmas, that same year. At that point I was living with my foster family, and I was having a tough time with everything. It was my first one without Ma there. I had a totally new family, and they liked me, and I liked them, but it wasn't the same. I was having a rough time in school and what with the depression, feeling like there was nothing to live for, being upset all the time, and not being able to be happy without drugs, whether legal or otherwise... I think it was too much. I stole my foster dad's vodka out of the liquor cabinet, and my foster mom's sleeping pills from her nightstand while they were out in the living room not paying attention. Their apartment had a floor plan that let me get into the kitchen, grab the alcohol, and get back to the bedrooms without having to go through the living room. So I used that to my advantage. I just took them both as fast as I could, but once again woke up in a hospital. Apparently Jocie, my foster sister, had found me. We had a date to look through her portfolio for college, and I'd totally forgotten. So I felt horrendous for that. The brought all the presents there on Christmas so that we could all open them together. That just made me feel worse. Like, how could I have done that to them? Another three weeks in the same hospital, after I was discharged from the ER.

I attempted the same thing in late February of 2010. I feel like explaining it all is getting repetitive. I did not. want. to. live. That's it. I didn't want to be saved. All the good things in my life did not seem to outweigh the bad. I still did not enjoy things, and I was still having problems with everything. Again, though, I was saved, this time by my foster mother. That time, I was sent to the UCSD Child-Adolescent Psych Hospital. I had a new therapist there, and she tried to put me in groups sometimes, but I couldn't do it. I could hardly talk to one person. Anyway, I stayed there until I went to Hadley.

Yes, on the first anniversary of my mother's death, they put me on a PLANE. That didn't fuck me up at all. I wish I had a pen in the color of 'sarcastic.' So, to Hadley, August 4, 2010. Three months later, I drowned myself. I don't know why exactly, but I have not passed on. The only thing I can see is that I have been set to wait in purgatory. I wish someone would have told me that when that happens, people insist that you're not dead.

Are you aware of a history of psychiatric complaints in your family? If yes, please list family member(s), diagnoses, and how this affected you personally:

My father complained about psychiatry. He is also a 'functioning' (yeah, right) alcoholic. I think that's a psych thing. He's had two DUIs, and the second one (in September '09) prompted (somehow) this investigation and he had to go to AA and he had to 'seek help' for it. This somehow culminated in my being moved to foster care due to his inability to care for a 'fragile' child. It was for the best. He was an ass when he was drunk, which was all the time. Most of the time. The vast majority, since I was about eleven.



Environmental History:

Are you aware of any complications during your birth? If yes, please explain below:

No.

Are you aware of any difficulties in development during your infancy, such as learning disabilities, speech impediments, etc? If yes, please explain below:

I would assume not, since I learned two languages at once just fine.

Are you aware of any long term separation from your mother during your infancy? If yes, please explain below:

No, she got lucky and didn't end up getting deployed or anything.

Please describe the location and environment in which you grew up. Please list town and state, and what it was like and how this affected you:

I lived my first two years on a base in Yokosuka, Japan. Probably officer housing? That and I guess going on road trips to my grandparents' house in Shimoda, which I don't think is all that far away. I can honestly say that I don't remember it. And if I could, I would count that as a feat of...something. Really, I hardly consider the fact that I lived there at all.

I believe you are fishing for San Diego, derived from the German Sahn Diahgo, meaning 'a whale's vagina.' Oh, Anchorman. It was the picture of beauty. It was always mild, and the flowers were in bloom. The hippies thrived on the wall at Ocean Beach, and huge snails liked to hang out on my front porch. I also do not believe this is the 'environment' you were looking for.

I grew up in a nice house by the water with my mother and father and my weird dog Constantine who is about as stupid as my dad, but much more loveable. Actually, up until I was about eleven or twelve, my dad was pretty nice. That was back when he could actually stop at one beer. He told hilarious jokes. My mom was my absolute best friend ever. She always cared for me and made sure I had everything I needed and even most of what I wanted, within reason. We hung out all the time, or at least when she wasn't working. She and I were beach bums, and sometimes boat bums.

Really, what are you looking for here? Nevermind. Paper can't answer me.

Please describe your educational history. How were you in school, both as a young child and in later grades? How were your grades? Did you enjoy school? Please answer below:

I used to work really hard in school. My mom would pay me $10 for each A on my report card. So I had mostly B's, but some A's. When I got to high school, I started out well. Then I didn't care anymore, C's and D's, and my dad didn't care, and Ma was gone, so there was really no reason to try.

Do/did you have many friends growing up? Do/did you have a best friend? If yes, please explain below:

I had friends. I had a lot of those "hey you're invited to my birthday party" friends, and some of the "let's go aimlessly ride bikes" friends. Of those, two of them I got really close to. Gwen Ellis was one of those. She took it upon herself to always be the voice of reason. The other was Tristan Moore, who eventually became my first boyfriend. That kind of went down the drain because it's really hard to date someone who's always in an institution when you're not. So I told him he could see other people who weren't locked up in a nuthouse. He didn't want to, but I told him I wanted him to. It was for the best, really.

Do/did you pursue any extra curricular activities or talents? If yes, please explain below:

I have been playing piano since I was like five. I love it. I also love art, but I sort of suck at it. Same with writing poetry. I don't actually suck at piano, though. I used to compete. You win some, you lose some, and you come out better either way.

If sexually active, please list age of onset and sexual preference below. If not sexually active, are you aware of a sexual preference?:

I was? am? a virgin. I am aware that I am gay with a side of straight. I figured I was gay obviously because I only seemed to like boys, but then I fell in madly love with a girl. That was going very well until I decided that life was for the birds.



Legal History:

Do/did you ever abuse controlled substances, including but not limited to prescription medications, street drugs or alcohol? If yes, please explain below:

I used a lot of ecstasy. Really, a lot. I'm surprised that it didn't kill me then. Or maybe it wasn't that bad. I wasn't like a connoisseur of happy pills. 3x a week at most. Jocie had this boyfriend who knew a guy who knew a guy's dog or something... he pretty much always had it on him and would just give it to me to make me happy. Maybe my brain has holes in it.

Have you ever been convicted of a crime? If yes, please list conviction, age of conviction and circumstances below:

I was the lucky winner of a random search one day, coming into school, and they found a tab of E in my jacket pocket that I didn't even know was there. So, a count of possession. I didn't have enough for them to believe that I intended to sell. Besides, who brings one pill to sell stuff? I was fifteen.

If you answered yes to the above, please list sentences connected to these convictions below:

Possession. I am not entirely sure what happened. I was sent back to the hospital not long after. Apparently it was a fine, because my father came to the hospital to yell at me about it before the orderly told him to leave, but I don't know how much. I'm guessing he paid it.

Have you ever knowingly committed a crime for which you were not convicted or sentenced? If yes, please explain below:

No. The one I was convicted for wasn't even 'knowingly.'



Personal Interview:

Describe yourself to the best of your ability in only five words:

Don't see why it matters. That's five.

Is the glass half empty, or half full? Explain your answer below:

What glass? Why do people ask that? I guess half empty, because it started out full (presumably) and then the liquid went away.

If you could change only one thing in your life, what would it be, and why?:

I would've clouted my dad when he made Ma go to work the day she died. If she had stayed home like she wanted to, she'd still be here.

How do you feel about your life and the things you have done in it, looking back? If you have committed crimes, how do you feel about those now?:

I haven't done anything in my life. That is sort of depressing. I wanted to I guess find a partner to live with, maybe adopt a kid or two. I was planning that with Emmy. I don't know if that's what she wanted, but somewhere inside, I did. I wanted to finish school. I wanted to see Jocie graduate college and be an interior designer like she wanted. Hell, I wanted to see my dad get better! Sometimes I regret death.

About the crime: I don't feel anything. I didn't even realize the damn thing was there. Oops. That's about the extent of what I feel.

What are your goals in life, and how do you feel those would be best accomplished?:

It's too late for that.

Lastly, why have you chosen admission at St. Christina Psychiatric Rehabilitation Center, and how do you think this will help you toward your life goals?:

I didn't choose it and I have no life goals. I am, for some reason, still stuck with the living, and I don't know why. I've come to the conclusion that I am not a ghost. I am not a shadow or whatever. I think that this is my purgatory. All I'm trying to do is figure out how to move on. I had a psych at Hadley that was going to help me, but I'm not sure what happened with that. I told him, and he said that he would help me figure out how to get out of here. If you have a staff member who can perform exorcisms, that might help me toward my goal. Note the sarcasm.

All I really ask is that if I do end up moving on or whatever happens, that whoever has this application will show it to Emily Rothwell, so that she'll know exactly what happened, why I felt how I did, and that none of this was her fault.

Show it to my dad, too, if you can.



Patient/Guardian Signature:

By agreeing to admission to our facilities, you hereby agree to abide by all rules and terms of service outlined in patient or resident handbooks, rules and codes of conduct. You hereby agree to waive your right to voluntary dismissal from our facilities until such a time as facility administrators sign paperwork for your release. You hereby agree to comply with facility staff recommendations, demands, or outlines for treatment. You hereby waive your right to informed medical consent before medication changes or medical procedures. You hereby agree to waive your right to hold GR Biotech and its Subsidiaries responsible for any personal harm or distress incurred during treatment. GR Biotech and its Subsidiaries reserve the right to add or amend these terms of service at any time.

Please sign and date below:

Ace Finn 5/31/2011

Welcome to St. Christina's Psychiatric Rehabilitation Center. Your ward and room assignments can be found below, along with the name of your primary therapist. Please familiarise yourself with all patient handbooks and codes of conduct.

Building: Robertson
Wing: N/A
Ward: B
Room: 2
Bed: 3
Primary Therapist: Dr. __________

OOC Information: All information below this line is not known by the patient, but is available on the patient's file, viewable only by staff.

Study Group(s):

Primary:Depression/Suicide Risk
Psychiatric Issues

Final Application Approval Steps for Players:


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• Familiarise Yourself with you Patient Hanbook, located in St. Christina's Rosters and Information forum, on the main board.

Code:

[center][font=garamond][size=22][color=#555555][b] -File Note- [/b][/color][/size][/font]

_____________________________________________________________[/center]

[b]Patient Name:[/b] FINN, ACE
[b]Primary Study Group:[/b] Depression/Suicide Risk
[b]Primary Therapist:[/b] Dr. ___________
[b]Building:[/b] Robertson
[b]Wing:[/b] N/A
[b]Ward:[/b] B

[center]_____________________________________________________________[/center]

[b]Note Subject:[/b] (Therapy Report, Medication Change, Dormitory Reassignment, Medical Report, Behavioural Report, Progress Report, Procedure Report, Disciplinary Report, etc.)

[b]Note Contents:[/b] (Explain behaviour observations, patient actions, procedures, medication changes, disciplinary actions, medical reports, etc. here)

[b]Note Author:[/b] (Your character name here.)

[b]Other:[/b] (Optional extra notes here.)